Inflation

The price of everything is going up. Even the Dollar Store is raising their prices. What a world we live in. That junk that wasn’t worth a dollar is now going to cost you a buck and a half.

(Linda Perret)

If inflation wasn’t bad enough, we are also facing a supply chain crisis. That means you can’t buy what you want even if you had the money.

(Linda Perret)

Bed, Bath and Beyond announced they will begin closing stores. I guess it’s now going to be called Bed, Bath and Begone.

(Louis Ferrante)

Many stores have nothing but empty shelves and it is affecting everyone. Even kleptomaniacs are finding it hard to find something to steal.

(Linda Perret)

Queen Elizabeth Celebrates Platinum Jubilee

Queen Elizabeth II will be celebrating 70 years of sitting on the throne. England is going to have parades and parties in honor of this feat. Geez, I once sat on the throne for 20 minutes and all I got was my family yelling at me to get out of the bathroom.

(Linda Perret)

The Queen seems to do nothing but appear in public and occasionally wave. She could have been born a Kardashian.

(Gene Perret)

The Queen faced many hardships in her 70-year reign – inflation, unrest, Meghan Markle…

(Linda Perret)

COvid

Many states are easing or removing their Covid restrictions. It’s kind of ironic, now that we are free to go anywhere we want, we can’t afford to go anywhere.

(Linda Perret)

With the restrictions lifted, I made a terrible discovery…there’s nowhere I really want to go.

(Linda Perret)

Taxes

The IRS wants to require face recognition in order to file your taxes. I guess they want to put a face to their money.

(Linda Perret)

I don’t like it. I don’t want the IRS to be able to look into my eyes and see that my soul is as empty as my bank account.

(Linda Perret)

The IRS is asking people to pay their taxes early this year because they need the money. That’s funny. I was going to ask them if I could pay a little late this year for the exact same reason.

(Linda Perret)

Incredible Hulk Comic Sells for $490,000

A first issue of the Incredible Hulk comic sold for $490,000. The original price was 12 cents. I thought only Whole Foods could get away with that.

(Louis Ferrante)

For that price Hulk should be able to buy a pair of pants and shirt that fit.

(Louis Ferrante)

It sold for so much because great looking ones are really hard to find, very much like classmates at your 40^th high school reunion.

(Louis Ferrante)

A Canadian teen solved three hundred Rubik’s cubes in two hours while balancing on a unicycle. Wow, that kid is really thinking on his feet…or in this case on his wheel.

(Louis Ferrante)

The 300 Rubik’s cubes in two hours is impressive. The riding of the unicycle was just plain showing off.

(Linda Perret)

Why is it that going on a diet always gives me an appetite?

My doctor has me on a very strict diet. No sugar, no salt, no carbs. The other night the dog was chewing on a bone and it started to look good to me.

My doctor told me all the bad things that sugar does to our bodies. And just like that, he made me realize…how much I wanted a Snickers Bar.

They say that wearing black makes you look thinner. So when I want to lose 5 pounds, I just throw another black shirt on over this one.

It’s not only slimming but if I ever stumble into a funeral, I’m dressed for it.

(Series by Gene Perret)

I’m not big on meditation, but I do prefer it to manual labor.

If meditation is sitting motionless and thinking about nothing, why do they have to have a 270-page book to explain it to us?

Meditation is doing nothing and thinking about nothing. To many of us, that was college.

Meditation without a useful purpose is a nap.

My spouse summed up meditation when she said to me, “If you’re still meditating at dinner time, should I wake you?”

(Series by Gene Perret)

I bought an item at IKEA. The clerk gave me a bag to carry it home in, but I had to assemble the bag myself.

It took me over an hour and then I figured out why…two of the screws were missing.

IKEA is great for do-it-yourselfers. It’s not so great for people like me—do-harm-to-yourselfers.

I assembled an IKEA picnic table myself and it worked great. It collapsed and killed all the ants that were under it.

The item I bought was relatively inexpensive, but not when you add in the enormous cost of the band-aids.

(Series by Gene Perret)

I was always a nerd. My optometrist used to sell me glasses with a piece of tape holding them together.

Our football team used to make fun of the nerds . . . until their first game. Then the nerds made fun of the football team.

A nerd in high school is a kid that only his mother could like.

Nerds were ahead of their time. Everyone stayed six feet away from them even before the pandemic started.

Once at a school hop, I begged a girl to take pity on me, do a nice thing and dance with me. She said, I’m just a sophomore, not Mother Theresa.

We had about 30 nerds in our high school . . . all named Eugene.

(Series by Gene Perret)

Disney has replaced Minnie Mouse’s dress with a pantsuit. I was confused when I first saw it. I thought Minnie Mouse was going to a costume party dresses as Ellen DeGeneres.

(Linda Perret)

I don’t know why Disney was so concerned about Minnie Mouse’s dress. You’d think they’d be more worried about why Mickey doesn’t wear a shirt.

…or why Donald Duck doesn’t have any pants.

(Linda Perret)

Donald Trump Jr. is engaged. Donald Trump was thrilled. He said “I’m not losing a son, I’m gaining a co-defendant.”

(Linda Perret)

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s divorce is getting nasty. Keeping Up with the Kardashians is going to be replaced with Keeping Away with Kim and Kanye.

(Linda Perret)

Kenny G said he only washes his hair every three weeks. Maybe that’s why he’s always playing the clarinet. He’s trying to blow the dust out of his hair.

(Linda Perret)