Joke Crafters

Great writers creating a better world one laugh at a time

Perrets’ Humor Files

In the News…

 

Pokemon Go

People are travelling all over with their iPhones trying to capture Pokemons and become Pokemon Masters. I’m still trying to learn how to answer my iPhone when it rings.

(Gene Perret)

 

I don’t want to capture and become a master of Pokemons.  I have enough trouble handling the grandkids when they visit.

(Gene Perret)

 

The Pokemon Go is in full force and you can tell because people are wondering around staring at their iPhones.  How is that any different than before Pokemon Go?

(Linda Perret)

 

Issues Driverless Cars

The new driverless cars have been running into a lot of issues lately, not to mention a whole bunch of other things.

(Linda Perret)

 

I don’t think the driverless cars have been perfected yet.  And neither do the people who have been run over by them.

(Gene Perret)

 

One driverless car has been in so many accidents it now drives itself to the body and fender shop.

(Gene Perret)

 

The auto companies are going to recall all the self-driving cars…and sell them to amusement parks as bumper cars.

(Gene Perret)

 

I don’t have a lot of confidence in the driverless cars.  But let’s face it, there are a lot of cars with drivers that I don’t have a lot of faith in either.

(Linda Perret)

 

What I’m waiting for is to turn on the TV and see a driverless vehicle leading the police in a high speed car chase.

(Gene Perret)

Ending the Hunt for D.B. Cooper

The FBI is officially ending the hunt for D.B. Cooper who parachuted from a plane with a bunch of money in 1971.  The FBI’s last hope was that he would eventually come forward and claim his unused frequent flier miles.

(Bill Mihalic)

 

The FBI tried everything to find him.  They even went around the country yelling, “Ollie, Ollie Oxen Free!”

(Linda Perret)

 

Odd But True…

 

Parents in Denver are furious after finding out that a Boy Scout campground partnered with Hooters.  Yeah, but you oughta see the merit badge.

(Bill Mihalic)

 

The reaction was mixed.  A lot of the mothers were outraged, but a lot of the fathers volunteered as camp counselors.

(Linda Perret)

 

A Colorado company is making wine for cats. I don’t think I’m going to buy any for my cat.  He’s a mean drunk.

(Louis Ferrante)

 

I guess a big night for a cat would be a bottle of wine and a laser pointer.

(Louise Ferrante)

 

A Twinkie has been on display in a Maine school for forty years. Maybe it should try studying a little more.

(Louis Ferrante)

 

The Twinkie was originally displayed in 1976 as part of a chemistry lesson on food preservatives. It has outlasted many things including the leisure suit, which is pretty surprising considering they’re made of the same material.

(Louis Ferrante)

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On the Calendar…

 

July 20th is “National Moon Day.” I wish somebody had told me that it meant landing on the moon before I decided to celebrate.

(Louis Ferrante)

 

July 24th is “National Tequila Day” and it’s also “National Drive-Thru Day.”  If you want to celebrate, be sure to pick one or the other.

(Linda Perret)

 

July 29th is “National Talk in an Elevator Day.”  Or as I like to call, “I’ll just take the stairs” day.

(Linda Perret)

 

Getting Older...

 

You know you’re getting old when your first thought after you buy a pack of 1,000 rubber bands is “Great, now, I have to update my will.”

(Louis Ferrante)

 

I can’t do many of the things I could when I was 28; but since I’ve forgotten most of them, I don’t feel so bad.

(Louis Ferrante)

 

My grandparents have had a long marriage because Grandpa refuses to get a hearing aid.  Grandma has been asking for a divorce for 20 years.  He’s never heard her.

(Gene Perret)

 

I hate when my grandchildren go home after a visit.  They always take their toys with them.

(Gene Perret)

 

I tried to lecture my 8-year old grandson.  I tried to get him to follow the straight and narrow and always take the right path.  He said, “Grandpa, I got GPS on my iPhone.”

 (Gene Perret)

 

The Writer’s Life…

 

I told my wife that writing was the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do. She said, “How about writing and putting the trash out once in a while?”

 

My wife came into my office the other day and said, “What are you working on?”  I said, “You woke me up to ask me that?”

 

I’m working on a book now on the properties of helium.  You won’t be able to put it down.

 

My publisher said he wants me to try something different with my writing. He wants me to finish another book and send it to another publisher.

 

My publisher said my last book was too long.  I said, “What should I get rid of?” He said, “Your computer.”

(Series by Gene Perret)

 

Politics…

 

Bernie Sanders endorsed Hillary.  Remember all those mean things he said about her?  Apparently he was just kidding.

(Linda Perret)

 

A lot of Bernie Sanders’ supporters have changed their chant from “Go for the Bern” to “What the Hell?”

(Linda Perret)

 

Ruth Bader Ginsburg said that Donald Trump wasn’t fit to become President.  Those were some pretty harsh words from the Justice.  Rumor has it that she’s hired some of Rosie O’Donnell’s old writers.

(Gene Perret)

 

Donald Trump now wants to build a wall around the Supreme Court Building…and have Ruth Bader Ginsburg pay for it.

(Gene Perret)

 

 

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Text Box: Summer Fun...
	During the summer Dad insists on cooking hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill every Sunday.  It’s great.  It gives him something to do while the rest of us go out to dinner.
	(Gene Perret)

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